break me gently

i can totally tell why you would listen to this
but i'm fucked,
i can't tell you that
in any words that mean anything

this is supposed to be a rhythmic, poetic account
of what i mean
and it's not
but it's all i've got

i've lost it, maybe

i have nothing but blunt echoes of beauty
ie. i can't make my thoughts pretty
or intelligent
or cryptic
or any such derivative of the above
therefore
i am here

where no one will see me

i'm here

sad for this circumstance
understanding that it is
what
it
is

wish i knew for sure

sigh

poetry doesn't ask

look both ways before you cross
the loss
will be mine
if i don't, and i find
myself
(crushed by the impact of the lack of looking)
every last bit of me is like..
don't.
but every last bit of me
does
and it only is
if it ever was
i don't know why
though i choke on because

there are so many things that say no
like the places you don't go
the lack of a need to know
'cause i would...
but you don't
so i don't know..

but yes
passes a few tests
the stare, the words, the rest
all of it was there.. all of it made it's mess
and for what then,
if not meant

is it funny?

i just want to know

i just want to know
in a clearly formed sentence
with words
that sound like (but do not imitate) an answer
to a question
that i'm asking

i just want to know

try it, please...

i have no idea why.
i look,
and i think
why?
it baffles the mind
somehow

though i know,
it's perfectly insane.

insanely perfect

insane does not describe the complete utter imperfection
that is exactly
right

can insanity be right?

i've gone this route too many times
the 'it makes no sense therefore it must be REAL' route

and even that is irrelevant
one cannot fit a key into a lock
if they are not in possession of the right key.

even if i knew i had the right key,
for real,
do i do i do i....
would i still want to unlock this door?

who am i kidding.
yes

tangibly evident, sick

no idea,
my guts
wanting to spill
things
i
knew
nothing
about.

ok
....i may have known
something
about the rhythm of the last
whirlwind into
space

i don't i don't i don't i hear see taste imagine feel nothing

(i lie lie lie like the comfiest rug)

your cocoon holds no glow

(oh..crap ...what do i know...)

hmm. what do i KNOW.
a look
a sound
a taste, dammit, a taste
that sense

who wants to know all of that....what for.....
are you sure...??

(no)

open sesame

i'm slamming doors.

i'm a lot of things, as everyone is.
me, firstly.
whether or not a person has a million things 'wrong' with them
or things people would not like in them
there is always something infinitely amazing within.
a reason
that person
is loved
and
a reason
that person
exists.

through the insanely long list of things i could say
of things i am sure no one loves me for
things i know are unlovable in every possible way,
somewhere in the thickly wooded forest
lies the sparkling jewel
i have always known
is me.

and whatever it is i am
is going to be enough
for someone
to find the key
and,
if it fits,
unlock the door

so fuck leaving it open
and trying to lure anyone in

i'm slamming doors

bird's eye view

whatever it is you are full of
has completely intoxicated me
with a sense
of self
worth more than life itself.

oh wait

maybe it IS life itself

whether or not i
peeked in your door
(and viewed what your
dirty windows hide) without your consent

i just opened mine
thanks
:)

fuck i am so fucking angry, i have nothing poetic to say